I stabbed myself. There. That's what happened. I gave up on everything. Why? When problems seem to snowball, the laws of attraction state that like-things will be inherited. I inherited even more problems. Every time I let something slide, it would come back around twice as big and hit me twice as hard.
How did it feel? Well, scary. I literally scared myself. I was confused with myself but throughly understood what effect it had cast onto me.
Cutting is now an epidemic. People run to bathrooms with scissors in hand and cut away. When an issue becomes so intense, when you just want to stop thinking about it for just a second, the scissors become your gateway to relief. The searing pain absorbs so much of your anger and practically leaves you dry and empty. It's is relief from anger and nothing more. Nothing is restored, only reduced.
When people continue, they are reduced to nothing at all. Lifeless, loveless, dead.
We all need to know that the relief in cutting is only temporary. It never lasts. Ever. There was only one remedy for me. Friends. They pull you through. They are your support, advisers and most of all, are loyal.
I chose to write this blog for awareness. That even though stabbing myself would have never ever occurred to me, it did. It can happen all too easily.
So all I can say is, when it seems like a friend isn't themselves and pushes themselves away. Come closer. Don't listen to the words that profuse out of their mouths. For me, I pushed people away, remained defensively silent and craved attention...only push everyone away again. Don't fall for it. Push through so they can push through.
Postscript: This would be the add-on to 'Secrets are made to be told'. This is one of the larger secrets I've kept. I'm not ashamed, the worst thing I could possibly do was not take anything from this experience. Whatever you choose to do in your life, whether it's good or bad. Learn from it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Chris
Well... worry? I don't think I should be.
I tried cutting once.... two years ago.. in a rush of anger/upsetness and this intense feeling of alone-ness..
(I didn't break the skin.. nothing sharp enough, i think that was a good thing. But) I scared myself ... heaps. What really got to me was the guilt i felt.. I think it was something to do with why did I let myself get this deep in. upsetness... I have a million people to tlak to.. I could say any of it to anyone, I could have not gotten to that stage..
? idk... was weird time in my life
anyway, back to you
"This is one of the larger secrets I've kept. I'm not ashamed, the worst thing I could possibly do was not take anything from this experience. Whatever you choose to do in your life, whether it's good or bad. Learn from it."
nicely said chris... the whole write..
take care!!!!
thanks for sharing steph!! and thanks for your kind words, much appreciated :)
Wow. I would never have guessed you had cut yourself. I cant say i have never thought about it .. i kinda come close once but i never went through i was fairly scared to. It takes someone strong not to be ashamed and fear critics and peers who despise what are now known as 'emos' i dont think that makes you emo Chris. Your a strong minded guy with plenty of friends out there and im sure theyre all pulling for you, i know i am.
Sometimes, I can think about that.. but I honestly believe why I don't is because I have enough self control to NOT do it because I care about others more than myself..
(just my input, I'm not pointing fingers at anyone) Yet, I've cut once.. and everything was let go.. I felt better (after a few hours.) because I felt, like.. something was lifted out of me though that sliver in my arm.
(hypocrite, yes I know.)
Thanks so much James, and to Andrew, I have this feeling that we are a lot alike, I like to see myself as selfless usually, putting others before myself is something I tend to do all the time!
Anyway, what I wanted to say was that even though this blog is very personal, I'm not encouraging others to be personal in any way, this not a cry for attention either. Cutting is something serious and causes both physical and mental scars, I just wanted to bring out an awareness. All these confessions though are overwhelming to me. It's sad that it appears to be some sort of stage in all of our lives.
I think that's something that should be changed and completely eradicated.
i wouldnt of expected someone like you chris , of all people to cave in on the pressures of life and release yourself like u did.
I dont know how else to put this but, i still remember when i stopped my "close person" from doing the same, yes i actually had to restrain them and take the blade from out of thier hands. there i said it. im not proud of it. but if i didnt do what i did they wouldnt be here today.
nice write
Post a Comment