When I say "The People" I mean the majority of the world. Obviously when I say 'everyone' it does not literally mean everyone. But the people who live in the world of today feel obliged to turn on their televisions tend to appreciate all the bad news and feel somewhat relieved that bad luck had not struck them, but someone else.
No one is looking at the positives anymore. The world now seems a dark place in which criminals loom around just waiting for the perfect time to strike you. I've come to know people who are led to believe every single drop of information squeezed out by the media. The media is a critical group of people who suck a story dry. They tell of both sides, a third person, a fourth person, the editor, the feedback and an assumption of the story. Through this vicious chain comes nothing but a stretched truth, or even a lie.
The world is a beautiful place, full of life, wonder and prosperity but the culture that we live in spoon-feeds us to the point where we care about how we look, where we care about what other people think, where we care about who is looking outside of their own window. If people live in constant paranoia, by the end of their lives all the 'what ifs' will come to pass and our own man-made culture will be the cause of our demise. It's an almost guaranteed ill-fate.
There is more to living than the money you make, there is more to living than the way you look, there is more to living than the clothes you wear. There is so much more to life.
Don't be blind.
Saturday, 30 June 2007
Tuesday, 26 June 2007
Trust
Trust is like a balloon. There is only a certain amout of times it can be blown up, in the balloons case, or a certain amout of times it can be abused, in the case of trust. When a balloon is blown up, then let back down, then blown up again, then let back down, continuously, it begins to weaken. When you put trust in someone, or something, and every time you do so, that someone or something abuses that trust, it starts to weaken too. It can weaken to the point of not trusting anyone/anything anymore. Or, not being able to be blown up again without poping.
I know this is kind of short, but I was thinking about it last night and I just thought of putting it in here.
I know this is kind of short, but I was thinking about it last night and I just thought of putting it in here.
Sunday, 24 June 2007
Being Alone
Gina’s marriage was falling apart. She had discovered that her husband was having yet another affair, and when he was with her, he was either angry or withdrawn. She had requested numerous times that he join her in couples therapy, but he had no interest in healing their relationship.
Gina was financially independent and could easily leave. Their children were all adults. There was nothing to keep her in this marriage. Yet she was still there.
“Gina, why are you staying in this marriage?”
“Because I’m afraid to be alone.”
This is heard time and time again from both men and women. Why are so many people afraid to be alone?
The underlying cause of the fear of being alone is self-abandonment.
Imagine yourself as a baby being left alone – a terrifying situation. As a tiny child, you cannot take care of yourself. You cannot get food to eat or water to drink. You cannot change your own diaper. Left alone long enough, you will die.
As an adult, this is certainly not the situation. However, if you have handed over to your partner the job of your physical and/or emotional wellbeing, it feels the same as being an abandoned child. You have abandoned your inner child, handing him or her over to your partner. This is what causes the fear of being alone.
If you were taking full responsibility for yourself – valuing yourself, listening to yourself, taking loving care of yourself physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually, you would not fear being alone.
In your relationships, what you do, do you out of the fear of being alone? Do you try to control your partner or others with anger, blame, tears, or compliance? Do you put up with intolerable or abusive behavior? Do you rationalize that, no matter how bad it is, it is better than being alone? Does it feel as if you will die if you end up alone?
The truth is that the only time we actually feel alone is when we abandon ourselves. We may feel lonely when we want to share love with another and there isn’t anyone there or the other person is closed to connection. But being lonely is a fact of life. It can occur within a relationship or without. In fact, Gina was extremely lonely in her relationship, perhaps more lonely that she would have been had she been alone. She was willing to tolerate the deep loneliness and heartbreak to avoid being alone.
You are never alone, and when you learn to connect deeply with your Self and your Guidance, you will know you are never alone. It is this deep inner connection that takes away of the fear of being alone.
Gina worked with a councilor in phone sessions and attended a 5-day intensive to learn the Inner Bonding process that is taught for become a loving Adult – a loving spiritually connected inner parent capable of taking loving care of her self. After practicing the Inner Bonding process for a year, Gina was ready to leave her marriage. She told her husband she was going to seek a divorce.
To her surprise, her husband agreed to do couples counseling with her. She still decided to separate from him, but they started to work together to heal their relationship. Eventually they attended a 5-day Inner Bonding Couples Intensive together.
Today, while not all the problems are healed, they are on their way to creating a solid caring relationship. Because Gina was willing to heal her fear of being alone, her behavior changed so much in her marriage that her husband was willing to open and learn with her. But even if he hadn’t, she would have been fine, since she was no longer abandoning herself.
Gina was financially independent and could easily leave. Their children were all adults. There was nothing to keep her in this marriage. Yet she was still there.
“Gina, why are you staying in this marriage?”
“Because I’m afraid to be alone.”
This is heard time and time again from both men and women. Why are so many people afraid to be alone?
The underlying cause of the fear of being alone is self-abandonment.
Imagine yourself as a baby being left alone – a terrifying situation. As a tiny child, you cannot take care of yourself. You cannot get food to eat or water to drink. You cannot change your own diaper. Left alone long enough, you will die.
As an adult, this is certainly not the situation. However, if you have handed over to your partner the job of your physical and/or emotional wellbeing, it feels the same as being an abandoned child. You have abandoned your inner child, handing him or her over to your partner. This is what causes the fear of being alone.
If you were taking full responsibility for yourself – valuing yourself, listening to yourself, taking loving care of yourself physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually, you would not fear being alone.
In your relationships, what you do, do you out of the fear of being alone? Do you try to control your partner or others with anger, blame, tears, or compliance? Do you put up with intolerable or abusive behavior? Do you rationalize that, no matter how bad it is, it is better than being alone? Does it feel as if you will die if you end up alone?
The truth is that the only time we actually feel alone is when we abandon ourselves. We may feel lonely when we want to share love with another and there isn’t anyone there or the other person is closed to connection. But being lonely is a fact of life. It can occur within a relationship or without. In fact, Gina was extremely lonely in her relationship, perhaps more lonely that she would have been had she been alone. She was willing to tolerate the deep loneliness and heartbreak to avoid being alone.
You are never alone, and when you learn to connect deeply with your Self and your Guidance, you will know you are never alone. It is this deep inner connection that takes away of the fear of being alone.
Gina worked with a councilor in phone sessions and attended a 5-day intensive to learn the Inner Bonding process that is taught for become a loving Adult – a loving spiritually connected inner parent capable of taking loving care of her self. After practicing the Inner Bonding process for a year, Gina was ready to leave her marriage. She told her husband she was going to seek a divorce.
To her surprise, her husband agreed to do couples counseling with her. She still decided to separate from him, but they started to work together to heal their relationship. Eventually they attended a 5-day Inner Bonding Couples Intensive together.
Today, while not all the problems are healed, they are on their way to creating a solid caring relationship. Because Gina was willing to heal her fear of being alone, her behavior changed so much in her marriage that her husband was willing to open and learn with her. But even if he hadn’t, she would have been fine, since she was no longer abandoning herself.
Thursday, 21 June 2007
Upside down.
The ocean flows above us,
The tress hanging like lanterns,
It's raining soil.
note: i thought it was cool concept haha
The tress hanging like lanterns,
It's raining soil.
note: i thought it was cool concept haha
Wednesday, 20 June 2007
A Greater Feeling, My Mystery!
I am suddenly thinking about a feeling greater then any other feeling known to a human. What is greater then being 'fantastic', or the feeling of being 'in love'. Ive known to be in a position where how i felt could not be decribed in words, but, in simple form i was in love.
But what about those feelings in which where your not in love, where your in your everyday life you feel like nothing can go wrong you feel ' fantastic'. Is there a word to describe something greater then this? I guess if you feel fantastic then thats the word to describe it, but consider a feeling greater then any before ... where you not in love but your at an all time high in life how do you describe it in a single word? is there a single word for it?
Is it possible that every feeling known to mankind has been written down in an english dictionary, i just dont see how it is possible when i have had a girl say "it's more then love" and those words i will never forget. So is it possible to have a feeling unexplained that is more then love, a passion for someone where it is simply unexplainable to the human mind.
Its a mystery to me because i feel like i have felt more then love where its almost impossible to describe. It was really annoying because i wanted to find the word for it yet i couldnt, my mind was blank with lust, love and passion for one person that no single word could describe.
So now that im here wondering about if there is a feeling greater then something simple and to be described in one word, do we feel this way for a reason, so that we can question ourselves or so that we think about how deep this feeling really goes.
A greater feeling, its my new mystery.
But what about those feelings in which where your not in love, where your in your everyday life you feel like nothing can go wrong you feel ' fantastic'. Is there a word to describe something greater then this? I guess if you feel fantastic then thats the word to describe it, but consider a feeling greater then any before ... where you not in love but your at an all time high in life how do you describe it in a single word? is there a single word for it?
Is it possible that every feeling known to mankind has been written down in an english dictionary, i just dont see how it is possible when i have had a girl say "it's more then love" and those words i will never forget. So is it possible to have a feeling unexplained that is more then love, a passion for someone where it is simply unexplainable to the human mind.
Its a mystery to me because i feel like i have felt more then love where its almost impossible to describe. It was really annoying because i wanted to find the word for it yet i couldnt, my mind was blank with lust, love and passion for one person that no single word could describe.
So now that im here wondering about if there is a feeling greater then something simple and to be described in one word, do we feel this way for a reason, so that we can question ourselves or so that we think about how deep this feeling really goes.
A greater feeling, its my new mystery.
Life before Death.
This came to me last night. A sudden epiphany rattled my brain, it was about life. What makes life something so amazing as it is? Death.
Death is a beautiful thing. Because it makes damn sure that we cannot take this life for granted. Death is what makes life beautiful. This is why we should appreciate every single living thing around us so much more. Because death will soon enough take it away from us. It even takes ourselves from us.
Sometimes I feel like an idiot for arguing over the smallest things, when instead I could just be happy, forgive, move on and be grateful for everything that is only temporarily around me.
Death is nothing to be feared. When you die, you lose your body, but that's all. You are still very alive and beating in all your friends and families hearts. As long as you have marked hearts of the ones you care about. You will never really be dead.
Take Leonardo Da Vinci. Died hundreds of years ago. But his art, his passions are still very alive to this day. He lives on. And so do we.
"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."
-Buddha
Death is a beautiful thing. Because it makes damn sure that we cannot take this life for granted. Death is what makes life beautiful. This is why we should appreciate every single living thing around us so much more. Because death will soon enough take it away from us. It even takes ourselves from us.
Sometimes I feel like an idiot for arguing over the smallest things, when instead I could just be happy, forgive, move on and be grateful for everything that is only temporarily around me.
Death is nothing to be feared. When you die, you lose your body, but that's all. You are still very alive and beating in all your friends and families hearts. As long as you have marked hearts of the ones you care about. You will never really be dead.
Take Leonardo Da Vinci. Died hundreds of years ago. But his art, his passions are still very alive to this day. He lives on. And so do we.
"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."
-Buddha
Tuesday, 19 June 2007
Where It Comes From..
Something to do with life, Is it bad? Is it good? Where does inspiration come from? is it a feeling or something that just happens when someone does something heroic or is famous or even just your everyday average person living through the tough times who picks themselves back up.
Wherever this comes from i want to know because im lacking inspiration, i need the motivation and inspiration to be something great and do something great for the world to help someone in need and give back to the community. "when i grow up i want to be a fireman", i remember saying that in grade 2. As kids in primary school or just general growing up we have no idea why we choose to be something in the future and how hard it is to be something big. As kids we live in small spaces where we are taking in all the good times and have no clue what is happening on the outside.
So when does inspiration kick in? do we go out looking for inspiration? something that will turn our heads in a different direction, e.g. make someone bad become good. Is it that easy or is it hard almost like finding true love except half the time its just luck. As we develop are we thinking about a future something that we want to be when we get old enough to follow the path we generate in our minds. Is that inspiration? or is it someone?
Someone is doing what you dream of so you follow.. is that how it begins? They become something great doing what you dream of so you follow.. is that how it begins? They are a benchmark and you want to get there you want to be like them so you push yourself to the bare edge hoping you can be them or better. If it is are we suppose to look for a curtain someone in the area in which you want to follow?
Its almost like a life cycle: They become great --> so you do everything you can to be them/be like them or greater --> you reach them and become greater --> someone else looks for inspiration and they find you --> your the new benchmark --> they set out to do what you did back when you wanted inspiration.
Am i close to touching inspiration .. is what ive said got anything to do with it? i want to become inspired and not sure how to go about it. I wish it were easy but my gut says its going to be hard so someone out there tell me how to go about it please.
Wherever this comes from i want to know because im lacking inspiration, i need the motivation and inspiration to be something great and do something great for the world to help someone in need and give back to the community. "when i grow up i want to be a fireman", i remember saying that in grade 2. As kids in primary school or just general growing up we have no idea why we choose to be something in the future and how hard it is to be something big. As kids we live in small spaces where we are taking in all the good times and have no clue what is happening on the outside.
So when does inspiration kick in? do we go out looking for inspiration? something that will turn our heads in a different direction, e.g. make someone bad become good. Is it that easy or is it hard almost like finding true love except half the time its just luck. As we develop are we thinking about a future something that we want to be when we get old enough to follow the path we generate in our minds. Is that inspiration? or is it someone?
Someone is doing what you dream of so you follow.. is that how it begins? They become something great doing what you dream of so you follow.. is that how it begins? They are a benchmark and you want to get there you want to be like them so you push yourself to the bare edge hoping you can be them or better. If it is are we suppose to look for a curtain someone in the area in which you want to follow?
Its almost like a life cycle: They become great --> so you do everything you can to be them/be like them or greater --> you reach them and become greater --> someone else looks for inspiration and they find you --> your the new benchmark --> they set out to do what you did back when you wanted inspiration.
Am i close to touching inspiration .. is what ive said got anything to do with it? i want to become inspired and not sure how to go about it. I wish it were easy but my gut says its going to be hard so someone out there tell me how to go about it please.
Monday, 18 June 2007
Right before you die.
Just a thought. But imagine that you worked for money your whole life. That your needs were actually your wants. You need shelter, but you want the biggest house you can get. And with this you find substitutes for satisfaction and love. You love your new TV. Your new TV doesn't love you back. You love your new car. Your new car doesn't love you back.
Think. Seconds before you die. You are are multi-millionaire because you dedicated you life to getting as much money as you could possibly get your hands on. You stressed yourself to death just earn that extra dollar. Your family has been raised to believe in money, and like the new TV and car you bought, their satisfaction and love will come from newer TV's and cars.
You realize that you left behind something that means everything seconds before you die. Your whole life has been about status and a salary. People constantly envying you from below and looking down on you from above. Never on the same level. There is no love in money and without love there is no fulfillment in your life.
You have wasted your whole entire life. This is as far as you go and you notice that you never got to see the places you wanted to see because you were too busy stuck at a desk.
Moral: You can not buy love with money. It occupies, never fulfills.
Personally, I enjoy my life helping other people. Knowing I've bettered someone gives me a feeling that money can not replace.
(P.S. sorry Chapman it was just on my mind and wanted to get it out.)
Think. Seconds before you die. You are are multi-millionaire because you dedicated you life to getting as much money as you could possibly get your hands on. You stressed yourself to death just earn that extra dollar. Your family has been raised to believe in money, and like the new TV and car you bought, their satisfaction and love will come from newer TV's and cars.
You realize that you left behind something that means everything seconds before you die. Your whole life has been about status and a salary. People constantly envying you from below and looking down on you from above. Never on the same level. There is no love in money and without love there is no fulfillment in your life.
You have wasted your whole entire life. This is as far as you go and you notice that you never got to see the places you wanted to see because you were too busy stuck at a desk.
Moral: You can not buy love with money. It occupies, never fulfills.
Personally, I enjoy my life helping other people. Knowing I've bettered someone gives me a feeling that money can not replace.
(P.S. sorry Chapman it was just on my mind and wanted to get it out.)
What Do i Write...
When i sit here wondering about alot of things which have happened in the past 2 weeks, i find myself in a bind where i am stuck on what to write and how to write it when the words are jumbled in my head.
Ive been sitting on my chair, the one i write my blogs in, and nothing comes to mind, no matter how hard i try my thoughts erase as if they were the writing and and they are erasing themselves with an eraser. I cant stop to think about what i just thought of whether it was good or bad and i wait until i remember. And as i write this im thinking about what a waste of time this is because there is no relevance to anything.
Not had the best few days ... felt sick, major headaches, feeling down a bit. Worst day at school all year today i felt lifeless, as if my entire life force had been sucked right out of me and i had no emotion just one, confused.
Confused to why i would feel the way i do, confused to try and understand how i am the way i am, this is getting pretty depressing and its so unlike me. Have no idea what to say but im lost and i have been since the party where i made a complete dick of myself and have felt down since because ive been the laughing stock. I was only trying to have fun .. maybe im just not cut out for that sorta thing.
*Sigh* what can i do now? will i be ok tomorrow? is this whole thing going to blow over soon? i hope so because i feel like i am being eaten alive hence my "hole" starts to dig.
Ive been sitting on my chair, the one i write my blogs in, and nothing comes to mind, no matter how hard i try my thoughts erase as if they were the writing and and they are erasing themselves with an eraser. I cant stop to think about what i just thought of whether it was good or bad and i wait until i remember. And as i write this im thinking about what a waste of time this is because there is no relevance to anything.
Not had the best few days ... felt sick, major headaches, feeling down a bit. Worst day at school all year today i felt lifeless, as if my entire life force had been sucked right out of me and i had no emotion just one, confused.
Confused to why i would feel the way i do, confused to try and understand how i am the way i am, this is getting pretty depressing and its so unlike me. Have no idea what to say but im lost and i have been since the party where i made a complete dick of myself and have felt down since because ive been the laughing stock. I was only trying to have fun .. maybe im just not cut out for that sorta thing.
*Sigh* what can i do now? will i be ok tomorrow? is this whole thing going to blow over soon? i hope so because i feel like i am being eaten alive hence my "hole" starts to dig.
Sunday, 17 June 2007
Instructions for life.
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s:
Respect for self
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.'
-Dali Lama
INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
(found this on another blog site. its just amazing. )
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s:
Respect for self
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.'
-Dali Lama
INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
(found this on another blog site. its just amazing. )
Thursday, 14 June 2007
The Unwelcoming Breeze
If I never saw, never smelt
Wouldn’t taste, couldn’t breathe
Never been touched by the cities unwelcoming breeze
Had the world at my feet
And death is but one rushing heartbeat
And this is the musical
The symphony, epiphanies
The daily revelations that fill you till you overflow
Life just feels so surreal
So close to death
Nothing left
In the silence I press my lungs to sing
Carry me home
Not alone
Never have, never been
Raising me higher
Burning fires
On the bridges that never broke free
Blow the unwelcoming breeze
I can hear them, I can see them
Smiles so angelic that it robs my breath with seconds to spare
See a family, what they mean to me
And this where I take their hands
Leave, leave
Tear, tear
Never fear, I am here
No longer breathing but a spirit will flow
Memories of happiness, the body of agony will be let go.
Carry me home
Not alone
Never have, never been
Raising me higher
Burning fires
On the bridges that never broke free
Blow the unwelcoming breeze
Carry me home
Not alone
Never have, never been
Raising me higher
Burning fires
On the bridges that never broke free
Blow the unwelcoming breeze
Life is doesn’t last very long
But Love stretches on
Carried by the wind in His arms
Take but small steps, have no regrets
Pause and just a look around
Dapple as the rain drops
No attention to mechanical clocks
Love never stops, never stops
Love never stops, never stops
Burning fires…all desires
Love never stops, never stops
On the bridges that never broke free
Love never stops, never stops
Blow the unwelcoming breeze
Love never stops, never stops
Burning fires…all desires
Love never stops, never stops
On the bridges that never broke free
Love never stops, never stops
Blow the unwelcoming breeze
Note: This is written as a song, not a poem. And I was going to write MY meaning of the song, but perhaps it's better for you to interpret it yourselves to see who it is about and what they are trying to say and what is actually happening/ happened. Feel free to criticize too.
Tuesday, 12 June 2007
My journal is a map of the world.
Today I had decided to buy a journal for myself, seeing as I already post blogs on three different sites. One of those three had become a lost cause. That particular site was made as a diary that kept personal matters personal. However, it did not work as well as I had hoped so I shut it down as I was feeling uncomfortable writing so deeply about my life on a computer. Hence, I purchased a journal.
Before I bought a journal I had looked around the stores trying to find a book that had both simplicity and personalization. I wanted it to look plain and regular, but maybe something in addition that made it look like it suited 'me'.
I first picked up a plain black notebook. It was mundane to say the least but it looked like it would do the job. As I was walking to the counter I quickly decided to take it back and search for another.
The second was a notebook that had a spiral to keep the pages bound. It was way too casual for what I was looking for.
The third stood out from the rest. Nothing plain about it. Around the outside was a map of the old world and it fascinated me to the point where I just enjoyed staring that the cover. It had a solid magnetic flap that kept the contents safe and inside were beautiful off-white pages that made it look not old fashioned, but traditional. On the top of every few pages were quotes from inventors or philosophers that were great to read. It was a very colorful book, it almost seemed feminine. But the fact that the world was wrapped around its pages made me want it. It was the world. It had places I wanted to see, it reminded me of my goals, how all I seem to think about these days is life, death, God and travel. The cover itself seemed to stimulate my mind. So I bought it.
Side note: I bought an amazing book, I'm very early in but I am enjoying it throughly. It's called Tuesdays With Morrie. I just wanted to share a quote I read: He was intent on proving that the word "dying" was not synonymous with "useless."
Before I bought a journal I had looked around the stores trying to find a book that had both simplicity and personalization. I wanted it to look plain and regular, but maybe something in addition that made it look like it suited 'me'.
I first picked up a plain black notebook. It was mundane to say the least but it looked like it would do the job. As I was walking to the counter I quickly decided to take it back and search for another.
The second was a notebook that had a spiral to keep the pages bound. It was way too casual for what I was looking for.
The third stood out from the rest. Nothing plain about it. Around the outside was a map of the old world and it fascinated me to the point where I just enjoyed staring that the cover. It had a solid magnetic flap that kept the contents safe and inside were beautiful off-white pages that made it look not old fashioned, but traditional. On the top of every few pages were quotes from inventors or philosophers that were great to read. It was a very colorful book, it almost seemed feminine. But the fact that the world was wrapped around its pages made me want it. It was the world. It had places I wanted to see, it reminded me of my goals, how all I seem to think about these days is life, death, God and travel. The cover itself seemed to stimulate my mind. So I bought it.
Side note: I bought an amazing book, I'm very early in but I am enjoying it throughly. It's called Tuesdays With Morrie. I just wanted to share a quote I read: He was intent on proving that the word "dying" was not synonymous with "useless."
Monday, 11 June 2007
The Gamble; My Choice.Their Choice.
Well, I just got back from my holiday house, where I publicly announced to my overly large family about going to university and pursuing journalism as a career. For about two whole years, an uncle of mine has pressed and pressed for me to become a lawyer. A job that guarantees a large load money (so he says). He always spoke passionately about law and how I should be apart of it. Under my breath I'd always concur to his decision. Law is not what I was interested in, but if I ever said that to his face I would receive a nasty glare and he would ask "Then what do you want to be?" And for almost two years there was no answer.So he would continue his hour long conversation about being filthy rich, about not being poor, about having a name, about treating the lesser-than's with little to no respect because I am now an important member of society and everyone else is the scum at the bottom of my $200 shoe.
Listening to him and not saying a word is difficult and I am surprised I actually did last two years of his constant ear bashings. Before I tell you why I want to be a journalist, I will tell you why I do NOT want to be a lawyer.
Lawyers lie through their teeth to put someone who may or may not be guilty in jail so I could get a payslip at the end of the week that belongs to my leather wallet, and with that large sum I buy things I don't even need, and upgrade everything I possibly could to rub it into someone else's face. I don't want to be rich. My heart does not lie in a pile on money. Money is cold, its cruel, its something that I cannot trust myself with. I understand that money is an essential in life. I do. And I also take into account that I am still so young to believe that I am going to change the world and I tackle my situations in life with such naivety, but if I take that dream away from myself, then what becomes of me? I begin to stop caring, I begin to think simple, I begin to crave money, because a dream that I gave up on reaching is no longer my motivation and all I really care for now is the money in my pocket that will keep me happy (or occupied) until I run out.
I do not bare a grudge against lawyers. We need them, they do bring justice to our world but the courtroom is not where I belong. I don't have a heart that can look past innocent faces, I don't have the mentality to know when to look and when to look away in a situation, I'm much to selfless to care about only money and myself.
I would much rather have not a cent to my name, and know that I have helped someone or saved their life. It feels so much more fulfilling, so much more appealing and I want to feed my heart these feelings of triumph that money could never imitate. Again, I know money is an essential and perhaps a lot later in life I will need it most for a family to work. But for now I want to live solo, I don't have plans for a lady to come into my life, nor do I have ideas of starting a family just yet. I want to live solo for just a little while long. Long enough to make my mark, then I'll settle down, collect money, provide for a family and die gracefully.
Next, journalism. Not much to say that no one already knows. Writing is my passion. I think about writing when I'm not writing, I'm happy when I am writing, I'm thinking of what else I could be writing while I'm already writing. All I really love to do right now is write. So writing as a career does not sound too intimidating to me right now. Also, journalism, enables me to grasp opportunities involving travel, meeting people and making differences (I also considered nursing for very similar reasons).
So in the end, the question came down to this. Do I do what I want, or do I do what someone else wants?
Well, I do respect my uncle a whole lot, I know he bashes my ears for my benefit. And as much as I hate to say that it was all a lost cause. In the end, it did in fact turn out to be one. A journalist is who I want to be.
I cannot tell you where I will be in 10 years. All I can really do is predict. Just take a complete guess of what my life will be like. But I don't want to do that. I'd rather enjoy living right now, and I'd probably do the same later.
Note: This got a little long didn't it? Was just on my mind I guess...
Listening to him and not saying a word is difficult and I am surprised I actually did last two years of his constant ear bashings. Before I tell you why I want to be a journalist, I will tell you why I do NOT want to be a lawyer.
Lawyers lie through their teeth to put someone who may or may not be guilty in jail so I could get a payslip at the end of the week that belongs to my leather wallet, and with that large sum I buy things I don't even need, and upgrade everything I possibly could to rub it into someone else's face. I don't want to be rich. My heart does not lie in a pile on money. Money is cold, its cruel, its something that I cannot trust myself with. I understand that money is an essential in life. I do. And I also take into account that I am still so young to believe that I am going to change the world and I tackle my situations in life with such naivety, but if I take that dream away from myself, then what becomes of me? I begin to stop caring, I begin to think simple, I begin to crave money, because a dream that I gave up on reaching is no longer my motivation and all I really care for now is the money in my pocket that will keep me happy (or occupied) until I run out.
I do not bare a grudge against lawyers. We need them, they do bring justice to our world but the courtroom is not where I belong. I don't have a heart that can look past innocent faces, I don't have the mentality to know when to look and when to look away in a situation, I'm much to selfless to care about only money and myself.
I would much rather have not a cent to my name, and know that I have helped someone or saved their life. It feels so much more fulfilling, so much more appealing and I want to feed my heart these feelings of triumph that money could never imitate. Again, I know money is an essential and perhaps a lot later in life I will need it most for a family to work. But for now I want to live solo, I don't have plans for a lady to come into my life, nor do I have ideas of starting a family just yet. I want to live solo for just a little while long. Long enough to make my mark, then I'll settle down, collect money, provide for a family and die gracefully.
Next, journalism. Not much to say that no one already knows. Writing is my passion. I think about writing when I'm not writing, I'm happy when I am writing, I'm thinking of what else I could be writing while I'm already writing. All I really love to do right now is write. So writing as a career does not sound too intimidating to me right now. Also, journalism, enables me to grasp opportunities involving travel, meeting people and making differences (I also considered nursing for very similar reasons).
So in the end, the question came down to this. Do I do what I want, or do I do what someone else wants?
Well, I do respect my uncle a whole lot, I know he bashes my ears for my benefit. And as much as I hate to say that it was all a lost cause. In the end, it did in fact turn out to be one. A journalist is who I want to be.
I cannot tell you where I will be in 10 years. All I can really do is predict. Just take a complete guess of what my life will be like. But I don't want to do that. I'd rather enjoy living right now, and I'd probably do the same later.
Note: This got a little long didn't it? Was just on my mind I guess...
Sunday, 10 June 2007
Acceptance and Letting Go
“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life."
Everyone, atleast more than once in there life has to accept and let go. Whether it is something small, as an old figurine, once belonging to your favourite grandmother, or being a loved one. But letting go is always hard, no matter if what you are letting go is small or large, it is always hard. And always painful.
Losing something, once belonging to someone else, belonging to some one important to you, someone you may never see again, is like losing the last thing that connects you to that person. For example, my mother bought me a dog when I was three. The dog, Gypsey, was the last thing I had of her when my mother died. My dog lived a good life, practically worshipped by me, because I thought, that in a way, talking to my dog, would bring me closer to my mother. When we had to let my dog go, (arthiritus) I was very upset. It was like losing my mother all over again, and not only that, but losing my dog, my best friend, too.
And having something taken away can be like having that special someone go again, if the object reminds you of them. And simbolises they are still with you. For a while it is hard to accept, but everything takes time. But letitng something go is not always a bad thing. Painful yes, but not always bad. But it takes time for the person letting go to see that.
It can be good to let go, so that you can move on, and not dwell on unhappy events. Live your life, because it is precious, and you may only get one chance. To have something there to remind you of someone gone, is good if it brings happy memories. But this is not always the case. Whenever I would see my dog, I would think of the happy times with my mum. And try not to think of the sad times. But then again, I always knew the sad times were there.
Everyone, atleast more than once in there life has to accept and let go. Whether it is something small, as an old figurine, once belonging to your favourite grandmother, or being a loved one. But letting go is always hard, no matter if what you are letting go is small or large, it is always hard. And always painful.
Losing something, once belonging to someone else, belonging to some one important to you, someone you may never see again, is like losing the last thing that connects you to that person. For example, my mother bought me a dog when I was three. The dog, Gypsey, was the last thing I had of her when my mother died. My dog lived a good life, practically worshipped by me, because I thought, that in a way, talking to my dog, would bring me closer to my mother. When we had to let my dog go, (arthiritus) I was very upset. It was like losing my mother all over again, and not only that, but losing my dog, my best friend, too.
And having something taken away can be like having that special someone go again, if the object reminds you of them. And simbolises they are still with you. For a while it is hard to accept, but everything takes time. But letitng something go is not always a bad thing. Painful yes, but not always bad. But it takes time for the person letting go to see that.
It can be good to let go, so that you can move on, and not dwell on unhappy events. Live your life, because it is precious, and you may only get one chance. To have something there to remind you of someone gone, is good if it brings happy memories. But this is not always the case. Whenever I would see my dog, I would think of the happy times with my mum. And try not to think of the sad times. But then again, I always knew the sad times were there.
Burn burn, the hate that gets you through
Having not written on this blog since it opened, there would be some kind of expectation of me.
2nd to sign up, 4th to actually write, my blog will not be on anything about self discovery or realisations. My blog will be about my feelings at the moment. My current depressing thoughts, my viscous workings of my brain bringing stinging tears to my eyes, which i simply must wipe away, grin and bear it. Not now. You're about to read about Amanda's inner workings of late.
A simple image of two friends can mean so much. You know the kind, the ones where you huddle in close, extend your arm, smile, pose, whatever, and snap that time of your life.
For me, i have done this many times, and the one i am about to talk about was the source of an explosion of controversy, and hatred.
Gaining entry to a friendship is one thing, but keeping that friendship alive is a whole nother piece of work. It's not as simple as it's depicted in the movies, i'm sure that we all know that, but when it comes to a point when the pain from the friendship's woes hits you smack bang in the middle of your chest and weighs you down for days, weeks, months, you know that this friendship is not what it used to be.
Picture a girl and a boy. Friends for years, snapped in a picture at christmas time. How do you know it's christmas time? There is a christmas tree behind them. They are happy, they are enjoying their friendship, and feel like the other person will be there for them, no matter what.
Now picture these two people, 5 months on. What do you expect to see? Are they still happy? Staying up late on the phone, falling asleep talking to one another about the smallest things, from what's on tv, to the problems of their lives? No.
The girl sits at home, lonley, destroyed. The boy is not moping as the girl is, but more so gleefully dancing around the burning ashes of the image from christmas. Not the entire image mind you, just the girl's half. Cut completely out, into little pieces, and set alight.
The burning in the girl's chest is not from the image melodramatically being singed and ridiculed, its from the pain she feels at the idea of such idiocy, rudeness, hatred. This was not the way the friendship was meant to sway. This was not the correct solution to a minor issue.
News of this vengful act came forward, as it naturally would, and the pain increases in the girls heart, the tears in her eyes become blisteringly painful, and her whole world is directed at hating herself for being hated. Go outside, scream, jump around, breath deeply with your eyes shut, that won't quite fix it little girl, but it will sure get at least some of your frustration out.
Then, picture a little less than a month later. The girl now so determined on her work, ignoring the outer world so much so that her ipod blasts music into her ears, that she doesn't really like. Trance, hip hop, techno, its all there pounding into her ears. Tap on the shoulder, swift turn around. There is the boy. An instant ripple of shock strikes through her body. What will happen? Is the boy planning on setting her alight in reality? Has he come to apologise?
Not quite. Be more mature. We're both acting like children. Let's grow up. Things are reasonably on good terms now. But the girl is now so full of hatred against the boy that she finds it hard to forgive the 2 months of neglect, of hurtful terms and abusive actions. It's not fair, and this was definatly not meant to happen. THE GIRL WAS NOT MEANT TO FEEL GUILT. SHE SHOULD NOT STILL HATE THE BOY!!!
But it is hard. The pain is still there, inside my heart, inside my mind, inside my soul.
Today i had beared witness to the other side of the image. The boy. On his own, with jaggered cuts along his right side, where the girl once sat beside him. Seeing the image brought on the feeling of aloneness, and instantly, the girl wanted to grab the picture and set it alight, dance around it and then claim she was not lame or idiodic while doing so.
Friendships do end, and even though there is a possibility of them eventuating to normal, it doesn't happen. Things will never be the same, and even though i sit there, bravely smiling and joking with him, its not the same. I am not ready to forgive and forget.
This blog is written about my feelings. I am sick and tired of writing something, ok so i write online, get the fuck over it tart, and then getting judged by it. Don't say that, don't bitch about other people. What else should a person do? Keep it inside? Councelling is an extreme idea, but getting things out is the best way of relieving the pain inside my chest.
Judge me on this blog, and this blog alone, and if there is the slight glimmer of identical feelings in your own heart, don't hesitate to write. If this blog had a negative effect on you, saying nothing is sometimes the best thing you can do.
2nd to sign up, 4th to actually write, my blog will not be on anything about self discovery or realisations. My blog will be about my feelings at the moment. My current depressing thoughts, my viscous workings of my brain bringing stinging tears to my eyes, which i simply must wipe away, grin and bear it. Not now. You're about to read about Amanda's inner workings of late.
A simple image of two friends can mean so much. You know the kind, the ones where you huddle in close, extend your arm, smile, pose, whatever, and snap that time of your life.
For me, i have done this many times, and the one i am about to talk about was the source of an explosion of controversy, and hatred.
Gaining entry to a friendship is one thing, but keeping that friendship alive is a whole nother piece of work. It's not as simple as it's depicted in the movies, i'm sure that we all know that, but when it comes to a point when the pain from the friendship's woes hits you smack bang in the middle of your chest and weighs you down for days, weeks, months, you know that this friendship is not what it used to be.
Picture a girl and a boy. Friends for years, snapped in a picture at christmas time. How do you know it's christmas time? There is a christmas tree behind them. They are happy, they are enjoying their friendship, and feel like the other person will be there for them, no matter what.
Now picture these two people, 5 months on. What do you expect to see? Are they still happy? Staying up late on the phone, falling asleep talking to one another about the smallest things, from what's on tv, to the problems of their lives? No.
The girl sits at home, lonley, destroyed. The boy is not moping as the girl is, but more so gleefully dancing around the burning ashes of the image from christmas. Not the entire image mind you, just the girl's half. Cut completely out, into little pieces, and set alight.
The burning in the girl's chest is not from the image melodramatically being singed and ridiculed, its from the pain she feels at the idea of such idiocy, rudeness, hatred. This was not the way the friendship was meant to sway. This was not the correct solution to a minor issue.
News of this vengful act came forward, as it naturally would, and the pain increases in the girls heart, the tears in her eyes become blisteringly painful, and her whole world is directed at hating herself for being hated. Go outside, scream, jump around, breath deeply with your eyes shut, that won't quite fix it little girl, but it will sure get at least some of your frustration out.
Then, picture a little less than a month later. The girl now so determined on her work, ignoring the outer world so much so that her ipod blasts music into her ears, that she doesn't really like. Trance, hip hop, techno, its all there pounding into her ears. Tap on the shoulder, swift turn around. There is the boy. An instant ripple of shock strikes through her body. What will happen? Is the boy planning on setting her alight in reality? Has he come to apologise?
Not quite. Be more mature. We're both acting like children. Let's grow up. Things are reasonably on good terms now. But the girl is now so full of hatred against the boy that she finds it hard to forgive the 2 months of neglect, of hurtful terms and abusive actions. It's not fair, and this was definatly not meant to happen. THE GIRL WAS NOT MEANT TO FEEL GUILT. SHE SHOULD NOT STILL HATE THE BOY!!!
But it is hard. The pain is still there, inside my heart, inside my mind, inside my soul.
Today i had beared witness to the other side of the image. The boy. On his own, with jaggered cuts along his right side, where the girl once sat beside him. Seeing the image brought on the feeling of aloneness, and instantly, the girl wanted to grab the picture and set it alight, dance around it and then claim she was not lame or idiodic while doing so.
Friendships do end, and even though there is a possibility of them eventuating to normal, it doesn't happen. Things will never be the same, and even though i sit there, bravely smiling and joking with him, its not the same. I am not ready to forgive and forget.
This blog is written about my feelings. I am sick and tired of writing something, ok so i write online, get the fuck over it tart, and then getting judged by it. Don't say that, don't bitch about other people. What else should a person do? Keep it inside? Councelling is an extreme idea, but getting things out is the best way of relieving the pain inside my chest.
Judge me on this blog, and this blog alone, and if there is the slight glimmer of identical feelings in your own heart, don't hesitate to write. If this blog had a negative effect on you, saying nothing is sometimes the best thing you can do.
Conversing with a monk.
The city is always busy, filled with people rushing to somewhere. I was one of those people today. Until a lady stopped me in my tracks, this lady was a monk. She first asked if I was from Melbourne, so I told the truth and said yes. She then handed me a book and told me that it was about dealing with stress. Recently, stress is not what I'm worried about, but I did not want her to be perceived as careless, but rather mindful, so I insisted that school was becoming stressful with exams coming (even though I don't have any mid-year exams).
We spoke for what seemed like an hour. It's uncanny how a conversation drifts from one topic to another so rapidly. It's an odd feeling standing in the middle of the city and watching people rush right by me. Like I'm just not there, I'm not part of the current flow of people wavering across the crossings, or onto the trams. Out of my own curiosity I asked the lady "What made you become a monk? Is it an overnight decision? Were you raised to be a monk?"
From what I understood monks are very earthly people. In-touch with their hearts, in-touch with the world, in-touch with god. And thats where it ends. Then I raised the topic to 'materialism' and how it had seemed to be the poison of the world. Money now comes bundled with happiness, or that is what the people rushing around the monk and I seemed to think.
She said "All we really need is food, not money." She was unemployed. She resided at a temple that gave her a home, food and all they asked for in return is to give away books of karma, stress, God, life and death...and a petty donation. I replied "We're surviving fine, there is no way in a country like this, we can die. We do not have needs...only wants."
I also told her that I was Christian, that I believed in God, that certain events have made me the way I am. Events that have formed a relationship with God himself, and also led me to a journey of self-discovery. Proving I knew nothing of her religious beliefs I asked if monks believed in God. She smiled and told me to look at the sun. It was a uncalled request, but I did it anyway. There it was, the sun. Bright, and the world just spins around it every year. "In every language it has different name, but there is only one sun. Just like God. He has many different names, but there is only one God."
We exchanged phone numbers, I thanked her for our meeting and I was caught back in the current of people...going somewhere.
We spoke for what seemed like an hour. It's uncanny how a conversation drifts from one topic to another so rapidly. It's an odd feeling standing in the middle of the city and watching people rush right by me. Like I'm just not there, I'm not part of the current flow of people wavering across the crossings, or onto the trams. Out of my own curiosity I asked the lady "What made you become a monk? Is it an overnight decision? Were you raised to be a monk?"
From what I understood monks are very earthly people. In-touch with their hearts, in-touch with the world, in-touch with god. And thats where it ends. Then I raised the topic to 'materialism' and how it had seemed to be the poison of the world. Money now comes bundled with happiness, or that is what the people rushing around the monk and I seemed to think.
She said "All we really need is food, not money." She was unemployed. She resided at a temple that gave her a home, food and all they asked for in return is to give away books of karma, stress, God, life and death...and a petty donation. I replied "We're surviving fine, there is no way in a country like this, we can die. We do not have needs...only wants."
I also told her that I was Christian, that I believed in God, that certain events have made me the way I am. Events that have formed a relationship with God himself, and also led me to a journey of self-discovery. Proving I knew nothing of her religious beliefs I asked if monks believed in God. She smiled and told me to look at the sun. It was a uncalled request, but I did it anyway. There it was, the sun. Bright, and the world just spins around it every year. "In every language it has different name, but there is only one sun. Just like God. He has many different names, but there is only one God."
We exchanged phone numbers, I thanked her for our meeting and I was caught back in the current of people...going somewhere.
Saturday, 9 June 2007
"Keep writing."
My hero said that to me today. And those two words transformed my day into one of the best days I have ever lived through. What made those words special to me is that he looked me in eyes and after joking about, I could tell the quick change and the sincerity in his tone. Some people may only meet their heroes once. Some, everyday. Some, never. That's what made today special. And a day that could never be done twice. Free of monotony.
Friday, 8 June 2007
Dear L. C. Roberts
You entries fascinate me, I'm not sure that you will ever read this but nevertheless this is something that is on my mind.
"Without music, life would be a mistake."
This was your first ever blog. The quote is by Friedrich Nietzsche, a Christian who never shunned the views of the Atheist. As a Christian I do not always completely agree with Nietzsche's views, but it does not change the fact that they are unique and groundbreaking.
Nietzsche was someone who dared to take his own path in life and share beliefs that he knew would be ridiculed and criticized by the closed minded. Nietzsche was never one to imitate, but he will always be imitated and admired. Sadly, Nietzsche (among many other amazing philosophers) ended his life in insanity. I remember reading about an event where he tried to protect a horse getting whipped by wrapping his arms around its neck.
Also, I noticed you did not place the entire quote in your title "Without music, life would be a mistake...I would only believe in a God who knew how to dance."
I personally believe that Nietzsche's God did not know how to dance seeing as shortly after hes renowned quote "God is dead" surfaced.
Nietzsche was an amazing philosopher and today I still try and interpret his words that lay on the edges of Christianity and sanity.
"Without music, life would be a mistake."
This was your first ever blog. The quote is by Friedrich Nietzsche, a Christian who never shunned the views of the Atheist. As a Christian I do not always completely agree with Nietzsche's views, but it does not change the fact that they are unique and groundbreaking.
Nietzsche was someone who dared to take his own path in life and share beliefs that he knew would be ridiculed and criticized by the closed minded. Nietzsche was never one to imitate, but he will always be imitated and admired. Sadly, Nietzsche (among many other amazing philosophers) ended his life in insanity. I remember reading about an event where he tried to protect a horse getting whipped by wrapping his arms around its neck.
Also, I noticed you did not place the entire quote in your title "Without music, life would be a mistake...I would only believe in a God who knew how to dance."
I personally believe that Nietzsche's God did not know how to dance seeing as shortly after hes renowned quote "God is dead" surfaced.
Nietzsche was an amazing philosopher and today I still try and interpret his words that lay on the edges of Christianity and sanity.
Thursday, 7 June 2007
A bee without its stinger.
As I was walking home from school today I bypassed a bee on the ground that was flustered and looked as if it did not have enough strength in itself to maneuver into the air. I slowed my pace and stared at it wondering if I should put it out of its misery. It has lost its stinger.
When a bee has used its stinger, it dies. You would think it used its stinger for something important, like protecting itself or protecting something that mattered to it. The bee must had accepted its death, but it kept wanting to fly. Does a bee know once it has used its stinger that it will surely die? Maybe not. Maybe they do. We may never know. But what I do know is that this bee was fighting for its life and tried its hardest to lift its legs off from the gravel.
For some reason, I thought of cancer, which (sadly in many cases) can assure a death sooner than later. When this bee lost its stinger, it gained cancer. It was going to die.
Luckily for humans, there are way to fight cancer and everyday we a progressing our technology to save the lives of people who have been given a very short time to live (so say the doctors).
What if I got cancer? Would I mope, depress myself and die...or would I be like the bee and fight to fly again?
That bee taught me something very important today. Even when your days are numbered, until your final hour has struck you can still fly, you can still fight to live, for you are still alive. The bee still had its wings, and I have the will.
When a bee has used its stinger, it dies. You would think it used its stinger for something important, like protecting itself or protecting something that mattered to it. The bee must had accepted its death, but it kept wanting to fly. Does a bee know once it has used its stinger that it will surely die? Maybe not. Maybe they do. We may never know. But what I do know is that this bee was fighting for its life and tried its hardest to lift its legs off from the gravel.
For some reason, I thought of cancer, which (sadly in many cases) can assure a death sooner than later. When this bee lost its stinger, it gained cancer. It was going to die.
Luckily for humans, there are way to fight cancer and everyday we a progressing our technology to save the lives of people who have been given a very short time to live (so say the doctors).
What if I got cancer? Would I mope, depress myself and die...or would I be like the bee and fight to fly again?
That bee taught me something very important today. Even when your days are numbered, until your final hour has struck you can still fly, you can still fight to live, for you are still alive. The bee still had its wings, and I have the will.
Books
You can learn all that there is to know in a book. But the experience would be questionable.
Tell me, would you rather reading and knowing all and never having to step out of your room. Or would you prefer to put the book down, walk outside and learn as you go on living?
Just a thought that came across my mind. One sounds more appealing than the other, its more or less a rhetorical question. But information in a book is always there...if you never had the chance to learn from it outside. In other words, books will always be a second a preference, but never a wrong choice.
Tell me, would you rather reading and knowing all and never having to step out of your room. Or would you prefer to put the book down, walk outside and learn as you go on living?
Just a thought that came across my mind. One sounds more appealing than the other, its more or less a rhetorical question. But information in a book is always there...if you never had the chance to learn from it outside. In other words, books will always be a second a preference, but never a wrong choice.
Wednesday, 6 June 2007
If I died tonight.
If I died tonight
Would the world stop?
Would anyone notice?
Would lines continue to drop?
Or would the words stop flowing?
Have I changed the world
Made it a better place
Guided someone's life
With some of the words I say?
Have they reached out
To someone cold and alone
Brightened up the day
Of someone that I'll never know?
If I died tonight
Have my actions changed the world
Somewhere on this Earth today
Will another pass on those actions
On some other day?
Will the words remain
For generations to read
Or would they die with me
And no one take heed?
If I died tonight
Would I go to a better place?
Or would I feel the flames
Of a fall from grace?
Could I see the world
From a vantage point higher?
Or would I serve an eternity
On a lake of fire?
Should I embrace death
Do I have an angel waiting?
Or do I fight
With all my might
To avoid a date with the devil?
If I died tonight
Would I travel in which direction?
I think I'll hang around
Until I can answer my own question!!!
Would the world stop?
Would anyone notice?
Would lines continue to drop?
Or would the words stop flowing?
Have I changed the world
Made it a better place
Guided someone's life
With some of the words I say?
Have they reached out
To someone cold and alone
Brightened up the day
Of someone that I'll never know?
If I died tonight
Have my actions changed the world
Somewhere on this Earth today
Will another pass on those actions
On some other day?
Will the words remain
For generations to read
Or would they die with me
And no one take heed?
If I died tonight
Would I go to a better place?
Or would I feel the flames
Of a fall from grace?
Could I see the world
From a vantage point higher?
Or would I serve an eternity
On a lake of fire?
Should I embrace death
Do I have an angel waiting?
Or do I fight
With all my might
To avoid a date with the devil?
If I died tonight
Would I travel in which direction?
I think I'll hang around
Until I can answer my own question!!!
A quote by Rainer Maria Rilke
"be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a foreign tongue. do not now seek the answers... live the questions."
Tuesday, 5 June 2007
"Be the change you want to see in the world."
Quoted by Mahatma Gandhi. A quote I live by.
I'm a dreamer, I like to think outside the square, I like to think of all the possibilities that can occur. I like, wait no, I love to think. This is probably why I'm so terrible at math. Logic was never something I could easily use when I begin to think about who created the number "6" and why is it a number "9" but upside down? Who made it? Did they get lazy when making numbers? Why does it stop at "10" and then repeat its way to "100", why not "11"? These are stupid, pointless things I like to think about in math class.
I like to think big and I try to take things in large doses instead of going by things one at a time. I'm also very naive, I like to think that the best possible outcome will always occur in every situation. "The glass is always half-full". I'm that kind of person.
I have NO idea why...but I feel compelled to just run away from home, fly away to Africa and help starving children. It's been a recurring thought and it's coming to me more frequently now. I am so certain that Melbourne is not where I belong, it's only where I grew up. My heart lies in travel and assistance. I now know those two things are basis of my future, so after this year I've got to lay down the building blocks and climb my way higher to my dream.
I had this stupid fear (only recently) that in 100 years time all that will remain of me is a cold, cracked stone. The stone will have my name, the day I was born, the day that I died. And 6 feet down, there I am...or what's left of me. I don't want to be forgotten. I want to be remembered, I want my name to show up in a history book. Not because I want to be famous, or popular...that's just stupid. I want another dreamer to pick up that history book and see that the dreamer he is does not differ from the dreamer that I am.
Like I said, I'm naive. I'm going to change the world, cause I believe that dreams come true.
I'm a dreamer, I like to think outside the square, I like to think of all the possibilities that can occur. I like, wait no, I love to think. This is probably why I'm so terrible at math. Logic was never something I could easily use when I begin to think about who created the number "6" and why is it a number "9" but upside down? Who made it? Did they get lazy when making numbers? Why does it stop at "10" and then repeat its way to "100", why not "11"? These are stupid, pointless things I like to think about in math class.
I like to think big and I try to take things in large doses instead of going by things one at a time. I'm also very naive, I like to think that the best possible outcome will always occur in every situation. "The glass is always half-full". I'm that kind of person.
I have NO idea why...but I feel compelled to just run away from home, fly away to Africa and help starving children. It's been a recurring thought and it's coming to me more frequently now. I am so certain that Melbourne is not where I belong, it's only where I grew up. My heart lies in travel and assistance. I now know those two things are basis of my future, so after this year I've got to lay down the building blocks and climb my way higher to my dream.
I had this stupid fear (only recently) that in 100 years time all that will remain of me is a cold, cracked stone. The stone will have my name, the day I was born, the day that I died. And 6 feet down, there I am...or what's left of me. I don't want to be forgotten. I want to be remembered, I want my name to show up in a history book. Not because I want to be famous, or popular...that's just stupid. I want another dreamer to pick up that history book and see that the dreamer he is does not differ from the dreamer that I am.
Like I said, I'm naive. I'm going to change the world, cause I believe that dreams come true.
Monday, 4 June 2007
How You Feel
Today.. a sudden burst of an emotion hit me ... the kind of emotion that is never really easy to say but still you wanna say it.. it may not be love but its when you like a person and you feel like telling them but you cant because of how they may feel about you or afraid of rejection, i cant say i havent been rejected before, because i have and its not the greatest feeling in the world but its also not the end of the world.
So when it hit me today i really wanted to tell her but i couldnt or i think i was afraid of feeling rejected even though i know its not the end of the world yet just as long as she knows how i feel, its never easy to express how you feel for someone even if its just liking them not love. But once the feeling hits the ultimate question just throbs in your mind over and over as it did to me "should i or shouldnt i?"
Ive consulted friends before on a similar subject but all i get is "just tell them, dont be afraid" ... are they in my shoes have they thought about what its like for me or for anyone, maybe it is just me because if they say for me to just do it.. do they just go on and tell the person they like that they like them.
i guess there may be an even harder question for me to answer, when the girl you like asks you how do you feel about them, what do you say if your afraid, is it easy to just act out as if you dont like them or do you tell them because they may give a hint that they like you, do you take the chance? all the time? sometimes? or never? what if someone else comes along before you tell them, your going to feel bad? what do i do?
As i am here writing this i still wonder what i should do, especially now that i think it was the most unexpected person to have the feelings for.
So when it hit me today i really wanted to tell her but i couldnt or i think i was afraid of feeling rejected even though i know its not the end of the world yet just as long as she knows how i feel, its never easy to express how you feel for someone even if its just liking them not love. But once the feeling hits the ultimate question just throbs in your mind over and over as it did to me "should i or shouldnt i?"
Ive consulted friends before on a similar subject but all i get is "just tell them, dont be afraid" ... are they in my shoes have they thought about what its like for me or for anyone, maybe it is just me because if they say for me to just do it.. do they just go on and tell the person they like that they like them.
i guess there may be an even harder question for me to answer, when the girl you like asks you how do you feel about them, what do you say if your afraid, is it easy to just act out as if you dont like them or do you tell them because they may give a hint that they like you, do you take the chance? all the time? sometimes? or never? what if someone else comes along before you tell them, your going to feel bad? what do i do?
As i am here writing this i still wonder what i should do, especially now that i think it was the most unexpected person to have the feelings for.
Why Me?
Everyone at least once in there life goes thorugh a why me stage. But am sick of thinking it over and over in my head as I hear the yelling and as I remember. I remember back to when i was a kid. Worry-free no hassles not a care in the world. And I begin to think, shouldn't that still be me? Not old enough for a family to worry about. Not old enough to leave school. Not old enough for anything but pain and misery. You can never be to young for them wonderful little bags of joy.
Why me? I don't go around hurting people. I don't throw rubbish at cars. I'm the best person I can be. Maybe I am not perfect, but who is? ‘I don’t deserve this.’
Nine times out of ten there will not be an answer. Everyone experiences crisis. People everywhere of all ages ask the question why me. Part of being a human is to experience life in all its colours. Happily we do have a choice of how we look at things or perceive things that happen to us. From the time we are quite young, we can make conscious choices about how we view our lives. We can take charges of what we think.
If you walk up a path that somebody else told you to walk, and you look ahead, and don’t like where you are going, and you look back and don’t want to return from where you came, step off the road and take another path.
Why me? I don't go around hurting people. I don't throw rubbish at cars. I'm the best person I can be. Maybe I am not perfect, but who is? ‘I don’t deserve this.’
Nine times out of ten there will not be an answer. Everyone experiences crisis. People everywhere of all ages ask the question why me. Part of being a human is to experience life in all its colours. Happily we do have a choice of how we look at things or perceive things that happen to us. From the time we are quite young, we can make conscious choices about how we view our lives. We can take charges of what we think.
If you walk up a path that somebody else told you to walk, and you look ahead, and don’t like where you are going, and you look back and don’t want to return from where you came, step off the road and take another path.
Sunday, 3 June 2007
The Hole...
Ever come across a hole in which you dug yourself only finding out that its almost impossible to get out of, of course im not talking about a hole literally dug but a life hole in which you do many wrong things or things you think are right but your wrong or things that backfire on you and you are digging yourself a hole that only seems to get deeper and deeper.
You start off by doing a curtain something which comes back at you and hence the hole starts to dig only for you to not notice where a hole starts, well it curtainly ends because one way or another you either hit rock bottom in life where you can not fall any further from the life you once had or you pick yourself up again.
Sometimes holes are dug and you fight so hard to get back up but you notice that maybe you have dug so far down that you can not simply crawl back up or you are to far down to jump and grab ahold of the side again, you simply have no way out of that situation but you keep trying untill you finally give up or realise that maybe trying to just jump for the top is pointless so you take a different route.
When all seems pointless you should not give up there is always a way of going to the top where you once were again, sometimes the time it takes to get back up is far to long or it becomes to stressful you pull out and give up sometimes leading to depression and at times .... suicide. Well will yourself up again start digging a new hole from the side back up again create a new route to bring you back up again .. take a new direction in life and once you are set, dont look back.
The process in which you take a new direction in will more then likely hurt you someway where some things must be forgotten or left behind you may endure extreme pain to get back up again but im sure in the end its all worth it to continue living.
Remember to never give up on a goal no matter how far down your hole is because more then likely there is another way for you to return to that goal again and achieve it, there is no reason for one to give up on something if you want it bad enough its those who are willing to endure the extreme who prevail.
You start off by doing a curtain something which comes back at you and hence the hole starts to dig only for you to not notice where a hole starts, well it curtainly ends because one way or another you either hit rock bottom in life where you can not fall any further from the life you once had or you pick yourself up again.
Sometimes holes are dug and you fight so hard to get back up but you notice that maybe you have dug so far down that you can not simply crawl back up or you are to far down to jump and grab ahold of the side again, you simply have no way out of that situation but you keep trying untill you finally give up or realise that maybe trying to just jump for the top is pointless so you take a different route.
When all seems pointless you should not give up there is always a way of going to the top where you once were again, sometimes the time it takes to get back up is far to long or it becomes to stressful you pull out and give up sometimes leading to depression and at times .... suicide. Well will yourself up again start digging a new hole from the side back up again create a new route to bring you back up again .. take a new direction in life and once you are set, dont look back.
The process in which you take a new direction in will more then likely hurt you someway where some things must be forgotten or left behind you may endure extreme pain to get back up again but im sure in the end its all worth it to continue living.
Remember to never give up on a goal no matter how far down your hole is because more then likely there is another way for you to return to that goal again and achieve it, there is no reason for one to give up on something if you want it bad enough its those who are willing to endure the extreme who prevail.
For Eternity
You can't expect to see the world by standing in one spot
Scared to make the change
Scared for you to see I'm not
The person who would seem
To be happy and believe
To say how I feel with just a single word
Sit, watch the world just turn…for eternity.
Life's an ocean and I'm sitting in the boat
The weathered surface cracks
The water fills and I jump out
Dive into the world
Into something I can't see
Going deeper
A small stone thrown in a pit
Overwhelming
The choices that I make
Understanding
The paths that I will take
Insecure
Can't do things on my own
Homes a refuge
But it's not where I belong
You can't expect to see the world by standing in one spot
Scared to make the change
Scared for you to see I'm not
The person who would seem
To be happy and believe
To say how I feel with just a single word
Sit, watch the world just turn…for eternity.
Song meaning: Ever felt like the world is just too big for you? And you want to make your mark but its just daunting once you see how far and big the picture really is, incase your wondering, it's also implying that I want God to be by my side, but not see how scared I really am of what I'm actually doing, after all, the world is a big ocean that stretches...and I'm that small stone who is not moving anywhere...but to the bottom of the ocean.
Friday, 1 June 2007
Not Myself Today, Personal Recount.
Today has been a good day, but I just don't feel right at all. As if there is something I've forgotten to do, or maybe something I did do but regret doing, or something intend to do but just haven't done it yet.
This feeling is agitating because it will not cease until I find out what it is, so writing this I'm actually hoping that I will trigger off something in my mind. Today a friend of mine wished a loved one goodbye. I have yet to experience such pain as this. A permanent loss, a living breathing person, that is not living or breathing anymore. This person has a family. That family is moving on without him for the first time ever. It must be very life-changing to realize that something life-ending could be so traumatizing.
I lost my grandfather at a young age. I didn't go to the funeral, I was too young. I didn't understand. But I remember him telling me in very broken English that he was going to be saved very soon. That was the last I saw of him. Saved. He had died. But perhaps being saved meant someone came for him to relieve him of the cancer he had endured for so long. I'll never forget how healthy and rotund he looked one day and how fragile and limp he looked the next. His skin was a corpse-colour white. The family is standing, acting happy but the awkwardness is so hard to ignore, so difficult to look past when everyones eyes are fixated to one person and I feel like I am frozen in time.
The pain of losing someone is tragic. However, "rather love and lost than never loved at all."
This feeling is agitating because it will not cease until I find out what it is, so writing this I'm actually hoping that I will trigger off something in my mind. Today a friend of mine wished a loved one goodbye. I have yet to experience such pain as this. A permanent loss, a living breathing person, that is not living or breathing anymore. This person has a family. That family is moving on without him for the first time ever. It must be very life-changing to realize that something life-ending could be so traumatizing.
I lost my grandfather at a young age. I didn't go to the funeral, I was too young. I didn't understand. But I remember him telling me in very broken English that he was going to be saved very soon. That was the last I saw of him. Saved. He had died. But perhaps being saved meant someone came for him to relieve him of the cancer he had endured for so long. I'll never forget how healthy and rotund he looked one day and how fragile and limp he looked the next. His skin was a corpse-colour white. The family is standing, acting happy but the awkwardness is so hard to ignore, so difficult to look past when everyones eyes are fixated to one person and I feel like I am frozen in time.
The pain of losing someone is tragic. However, "rather love and lost than never loved at all."
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