There's more to living than just being alive.

I'm such a recluse. I complain and complain and don't tackle these problems that keep strolling along my path. I just bypass to step around it and keep on walking. I need to stop that. I just need to stop and figure out this issue that has been brought up. There is more to my life but it comes as it does, not all at once. I want the change, the passions, the dreams, the lessons to all hit me at once. But life gives you the tragedy and then the lesson, not the other way around.

I sometimes feel that I need to thrive for the inspiration to be who I want to be. I fail to notice that I know what I want but I'm just too lazy to get it. Then I hear 'it's better to try and fail, than fail to try'. It's just so true to the point that the real catastrophe of my life will be my laziness, my seclusion in my room. And I see this everyday, where people just stay content but NEVER consistent. They try and fail but become content and soon after they will lower their expectations of their next more effortless achievement.

I keep changing myself to suit these surroundings. My surroundings affect me, and change me so easily that sometimes I don't even notice. I don't want to change, I want to stay consistent. The things that I want, I actually want. Because it appeals to me personally, not to everyone else. So what if my goal does not assure money. I need to try. Try and fail or try and succeed.

It's not that I need an omnipotent force to give me insight to my future, to shade me of my insecurities. I don't need to run to God for everything. I don't need to pray every problem. I am not a drone. I refuse to be a Christian shielded by a barrier that promotes ignorance and amplifies my insecurities. This is life. I face life like everyone else. I'm not living in the Christian bubble anymore. I'm living as a human. I will make these mistakes and I'll learn from them. I'll fail and succeed. We can change the world if we wanted to. You are so naive if you think you can't.