i have never felt so petty to somebody in my life. i stood before someone so high above me that i felt like i actually might be better off below the ground. there is less heart strain involved in giving up right there at that moment. am i that frivolous?
i walked into this mans office and he had an entire wall dedicated to his books on life and anything relevant to life. what shocked me more is that he possessed the bragging right to some of these books (a whole shelf) because they belonged to him. he was the author.
with him was this opulent-looking lady who wore that critical, yet artistic frown that anyone proud and narcissistic would have. she too, was an author. now probably everyone of you on here know that what i want more than anything in my life is to see a book with my name on it on a shelf at a bookstore at some point in my life.
theres a lot of words to describe how i felt in that office. like 'naive', in the ways i thought i could be seen at eye-level with the caustic man before me, or unworldly, the inexperience of living a life, but the one that stood out for me most was 'stupid'. I felt so stupid to allow myself to believe i could get to something so easily.
but it made me wonder. did that man or even the woman begin as me and with my thoughts? we're they born genius? was i born anything less than that? i just want to share to people what i have to say, and by meeting these people it felt like all my questions to my life were trivial. that maybe i should just stand down and realize im not as great or capable as i originally thought i was.
walking out there, i felt a defined numbness and an apathy towards my future ambitions. what i dont understand is how can someones presence pirece through all of my dreams so easily? a persona that can make others feel far more inferior and unimportant. he was a prideful, egocentric man and i was just a boy who wished there was something he could give to the world.
this realization has a lot to do with growing up. nothing is easy. but can something truly be too hard, too far or too unrealistic? is this what separates the logical from the dreamers?
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2 comments:
this is all very accurate. this is how i feel every day. in my own opinion, however, these brilliant and amazing people have one thing in common, and that is that they are more interested in doing whatever they are good at and love doing, and less interested in getting to be famous and successful. they concentrate on who they are and what they want to do, not the the title they want to end up with.
everyone started somewhere. you can't limit your dreams based on where someone else is right now. those people had to write their first book, take their first criticism, feel like they'd never make it... just think, it could be you in that man's position one day, with a teenager thinking you were so much better than he could ever be.
no dream is too hard to achieve. it's just that people give up too easily.
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